"We, of our time, have played our part in the perseverance, and we have pledged ourselves to the dead generations who have preserved intact for us this glorious heritage, that we, too, will strive to be faithful to the end, and pass on this tradition unblemished." - Eamon de ValeraI
I was 12 years old when I got braces. Due to a scheduling conflict I also just so happened to be 12 years old when I had a mandatory three hour long choir rehearsal on the day I also got braces. So with a new mouth full of metal and the feeling of my teeth being pulled in directions they'd never naturally gone before I went to sing for 3 hours. And it hurt, and I would have much rather been home watching Spongebob at the time, but I did it.
I did it because I had to.
When I was 6 I learned how to swing across the monkey bars. I was terrified. On one failed attempt the week before I had fallen and chipped my tooth and was certain that was the ultimate outcome of monkey bars. But with my entire Kindergarten class watching and my mother even showing up for the day, the pressure was on and I swung one bar at a time. I would have been perfectly happy living a life sans monkey bars but I did it.
I did it because I had to.
When I was 16 I was in the school talent show. As my song came to a close and the lights were fading I exited the stage- right off the ledge. The dim light saving me from too much embarrassment my fall was seen by the group sitting directly in front of ground zero. I wanted to cry. When asked if I was okay I wanted to say "No! I just fell of stage during the talent show and I'm 16 and everything is awkward!". But instead I picked myself up, laughed, assured everyone I was alright and walked back stage with a smile on my face. I wanted to curl up and disappear, but I did it.
I did it because I had to.
At 18 after 4 faithful years dedicated to my high school's theater program I wasn't cast in the fall play. I cried, I missed a day of school, and then I joined stage crew. I didn't want to join stage crew initially. I was an actor, not a techie! I wanted to be on stage or not be involved at all. However I knew these people were my family away from my family and I had a commitment to them even when I was let down. I knew sometimes things just don't work out and I still had to hold my ground doing what I love to do more than anything else in the world. I wanted to scream out of spite and curse the program to it's grave, but I did it.
I did it because I had to.
When I was 14 I participated in a "Relay for Life Event" where you stay up an entire 24 hours. The day after this event I also had a softball game for the rec league I was on. The initial plan was to skip the game and take a nap after the event was over, until a phone call was received from the coach informing myself and the other girls on my team that had been at the event that we needed to play the game due to a short number of players. I was falling asleep on the field. I felt sick and light headed. But I did it.
I did it because I had to.
A few months ago I had finals week for the spring semester of my junior year. This finals week was particularly important because my grades previous semester's had not been as up to par as I would have liked so I had to do well on them to get that GPA I was after. A week before finals week a whole slew of things went wrong (that I won't go into detail about) in my life. Life was throwing me punch, after punch, after punch and I was defeated. I wanted to curl up and cry and disappear and for a couple of days, I did just that. But then after letting the sadness visit for a bit I informed it, it was overstaying it's welcome and kicked it out of my home. I became completely immersed in my studies day and night and the result was the best grades I've received thus far in my college career. Depression made me think I wanted to quit everything and build a fence around my dorm to keep out any more harm that could possibly come my way. But I did it.
I did it because I had to.
The resilience of the human spirit is astounding. Every single person has stories, many leagues more impressive than the simple examples given above, where they did it because they had to. Because that's just how humans are. We do not stand idly by as life tries to knock us down over and over and over again. We brush ourselves off, laugh, and get the job done because we have have commitments we have made to ourselves and those around us. We suffer great loss and suffering and hardships yet still find it within ourselves to wake up the next day and go to work. And you, you are a part of this incredible human race. You are a part of this mad species that has been persevering for generation after generation after generation.
So, this is what I request of you and myself; When it hurts. When you want to quit. When you want nothing more in the world than to disappear into a cloud of smoke.
Do it anyway.
Because you have to.
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Admit You are Afraid.
"Only ever cultivate enough ego to be confident in yourself & in the things you create. Let your vanity end there. Arrogance/hubris =weakness" -Dallon Weekes
I've always been perplexed by my generations idea of self. While on some days I see millennials as an incredibly self loathing generation plagued with depression and suicidal tendencies, on other days I see something completely different.
On some days I see a group of young people that would put Kanye West's vanity to shame. Sometimes I can't help but wonder why we think we are so much better than others, namely other within our own generation.
I often hear my fellow students say things such as "This isn't worth my time, I'm better than this club/class/musical group/ect" or "I mean, she's just an English major, she can't be THAT stressed. At least not as stressed as people with real majors". Or the ever present judgement of students that may not want to stretch themselves with extracurricular activities as much as others.
In this world it's an unforgivable sin to make a spelling error. Thou also shalt not admit to struggling academically. The punishment for not understanding a seemingly simple mathematical concept is stoning. We all must present perfect images to the world around us or face the deathly glares of those who are superior to us, (which somehow manages to be everyone and no one at the same time).
The truth of the matter is this world we have created of perceived perfection is toxic. We are all afraid of failure and not measuring up to our peers, so, we adopt false egos in hopes that no one will notice that fear. False egos that in turn make everyone around us feel inferior, and thus the cycle continues. A cycle that within this past year alone has taken the lives of two of my close friends.
So what is the solution to stopping this viscous cycle?
To put it simply, I don't know. But I do have an idea.
We have to admit to each other, that we are scared. That we in our early 20's are all terrified of failure. Then we must build each other up rather than tearing each other down. If you see a fellow student struggling, offer to help. When you don't get the part you wanted, still step up to the plate to make the show the best it can be for those who did. When you don't make the team, show up to every game to support those who did.
When you do get the part, treat everyone involved with the respect you would want. When you do make the team, do your part to make those who didn't feel less alienated.
Admit you are a afraid. I know I am.
-Ellen
I've always been perplexed by my generations idea of self. While on some days I see millennials as an incredibly self loathing generation plagued with depression and suicidal tendencies, on other days I see something completely different.
On some days I see a group of young people that would put Kanye West's vanity to shame. Sometimes I can't help but wonder why we think we are so much better than others, namely other within our own generation.
I often hear my fellow students say things such as "This isn't worth my time, I'm better than this club/class/musical group/ect" or "I mean, she's just an English major, she can't be THAT stressed. At least not as stressed as people with real majors". Or the ever present judgement of students that may not want to stretch themselves with extracurricular activities as much as others.
In this world it's an unforgivable sin to make a spelling error. Thou also shalt not admit to struggling academically. The punishment for not understanding a seemingly simple mathematical concept is stoning. We all must present perfect images to the world around us or face the deathly glares of those who are superior to us, (which somehow manages to be everyone and no one at the same time).
The truth of the matter is this world we have created of perceived perfection is toxic. We are all afraid of failure and not measuring up to our peers, so, we adopt false egos in hopes that no one will notice that fear. False egos that in turn make everyone around us feel inferior, and thus the cycle continues. A cycle that within this past year alone has taken the lives of two of my close friends.
So what is the solution to stopping this viscous cycle?
To put it simply, I don't know. But I do have an idea.
We have to admit to each other, that we are scared. That we in our early 20's are all terrified of failure. Then we must build each other up rather than tearing each other down. If you see a fellow student struggling, offer to help. When you don't get the part you wanted, still step up to the plate to make the show the best it can be for those who did. When you don't make the team, show up to every game to support those who did.
When you do get the part, treat everyone involved with the respect you would want. When you do make the team, do your part to make those who didn't feel less alienated.
Admit you are a afraid. I know I am.
-Ellen
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Pray for France
If 30 Australians drowned in Sydney Harbour, it would be a national tragedy. But when 30 or more refugees drown off the Australian coast, it is a political question.
I woke up this morning angry. Angry that this happened. And angry at the reaction from many of my friends and family. I usually try to stay quiet on issues such as this because I live in circumstances where expressing a differing "opinion" from those around me results in being a labeled a "crazy liberal looney" or being accused of "attacking" those with a differing opinion, rather than just offering a different point of view (which is 99.9% of the time the reality of the situation). But I have been moved past fear of ostracization during this time of tragedy and wish to present you all with a quick history lesson.
I woke up this morning angry. Angry that this happened. And angry at the reaction from many of my friends and family. I usually try to stay quiet on issues such as this because I live in circumstances where expressing a differing "opinion" from those around me results in being a labeled a "crazy liberal looney" or being accused of "attacking" those with a differing opinion, rather than just offering a different point of view (which is 99.9% of the time the reality of the situation). But I have been moved past fear of ostracization during this time of tragedy and wish to present you all with a quick history lesson.
On December 7, 1941 tragedy struck the United States Naval base on Pearl Harbor. The Japanese forces violently attacked our nation seemingly unprovoked and this made us understandably very angry.
Our nations reaction do these attacks however, would live on as a glaring black spot on our history.
Japanese internment camp after the Pearl Harbor attacks
The American people were quick to generalize and as a nation we came to the conclusion that our Japanese enemies represented all people of Japanese decent. Thus resulting in the internment of all American citizens of Japanese decent.
actor George Takei shares his experience in a Japanese Internment camp
And now I see friends and family suggesting we do the same, or worse, to our Muslim neighbors. We yell, "The Muslims did this! The Muslims must pay!". The Muslims did not do this, a terrorist extremist group called "ISIS" did.
If the anti-Muslim sentiment wasn't bad enough during this time of tragedy, the world is also in the midst of a massive Syrian refugee crisis. Being confused about the crisis when it first hit the media I did some research into the situation and found these helpful video's that really sum up the situation well that I'd like to share with you all now.
I've seen many people on my facebook feed claiming that we absolutely cannot let these refugees into our country now! They are Muslims! They are terrorists!
Some quick research taken from mostly unbiased sources can prove that this is simply not the case. The refugees involved in the crisis are not even all Muslim, many our Hindu, or Christian. And the purpose of their fleeing is not to bring the same terror of their home country they are trying to escape to us, if you think about that for more than a second you realize that conclusion simply doesn't make any sense.
Muslims are not synonymous with ISIS anymore than Christians are synonymous with the Westboro Baptist Church or the KKK.
The enemy here is not Muslims, people of Muslim decent or the refugee's from Syria.
The enemy here is ISIS.
And now more than ever we must unite the world against their evil ways.
Thank you for your time.
-Ellen
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Most of My Friends are Boys
“I'm ADD and psychic. I know things ahead of time but lose track of which is which.”
― S. Kelley Harrell
Living with ADD/ADHD can be a daily struggle for anyone. It's hard to sit through a class, it's hard to know what thoughts are worth saying and what thoughts should be kept to yourself and you usually have a minimum of 10 ideas colliding in your mind at once.
While living with ADHD is tough for anyone who suffers from the illness I want to use this blog post to talk about girls. Being a girl with ADD/ADHD is especially difficult because most of society doesn't expect it from you. I remember sitting in my Ed Psych class my freshman year and being told, "ADHD is usually found in boys, it's actually fairly rare to have a female student with this disability". I remember sitting there after being told this and thinking, "wow... I really must be weird then".
Girls with ADHD suffer from many alienating difficulties specific to their gender. To name a few;
-Acing "lady like" is harder for us. We have trouble sitting still and reading social cues.
-We often have messy handwriting. And believe me, there's nothing more embarrassing than the teacher calling out, "There's a paper with no name on it if somebody wants to claim it, it has messy handwriting so I think it's a boys" and then having to sulk up to the front of the class to claim your paper with "boy handwriting".
-girls are expected to be more still. More preserved. (Which is garbage but that's a blog post for another time) Needless to say girls with ADHD are not that.
-Girls with ADHD are messy. They often times simply forget to clean up after themselves. Which is another trait more often contributed to the male gender (again this is garbage, but a blog post for another time).
-We often have difficulties with fine motor skills as well, which makes doing "girly" things like putting your hair up, doing make up or crafting, very difficult for us.
I can speak from experience when I say growing up as a girl with ADHD often times makes it very hard to fit in, in traditionally feminine spaces. A lot of my close friends growing up were boys because I simply fit in with them more. I had a much better time running around outside than staying inside and playing house. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that!
I wrote this post to let the girls with ADD/ADHD know that they aren't broken. You aren't weird. You're you and that's fantastic!
This is for the girls who have always had to say, "Most of my friends are boys".
-Ellen
― S. Kelley Harrell
Living with ADD/ADHD can be a daily struggle for anyone. It's hard to sit through a class, it's hard to know what thoughts are worth saying and what thoughts should be kept to yourself and you usually have a minimum of 10 ideas colliding in your mind at once.
While living with ADHD is tough for anyone who suffers from the illness I want to use this blog post to talk about girls. Being a girl with ADD/ADHD is especially difficult because most of society doesn't expect it from you. I remember sitting in my Ed Psych class my freshman year and being told, "ADHD is usually found in boys, it's actually fairly rare to have a female student with this disability". I remember sitting there after being told this and thinking, "wow... I really must be weird then".
Girls with ADHD suffer from many alienating difficulties specific to their gender. To name a few;
-Acing "lady like" is harder for us. We have trouble sitting still and reading social cues.
-We often have messy handwriting. And believe me, there's nothing more embarrassing than the teacher calling out, "There's a paper with no name on it if somebody wants to claim it, it has messy handwriting so I think it's a boys" and then having to sulk up to the front of the class to claim your paper with "boy handwriting".
-girls are expected to be more still. More preserved. (Which is garbage but that's a blog post for another time) Needless to say girls with ADHD are not that.
-Girls with ADHD are messy. They often times simply forget to clean up after themselves. Which is another trait more often contributed to the male gender (again this is garbage, but a blog post for another time).
-We often have difficulties with fine motor skills as well, which makes doing "girly" things like putting your hair up, doing make up or crafting, very difficult for us.
I can speak from experience when I say growing up as a girl with ADHD often times makes it very hard to fit in, in traditionally feminine spaces. A lot of my close friends growing up were boys because I simply fit in with them more. I had a much better time running around outside than staying inside and playing house. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that!
I wrote this post to let the girls with ADD/ADHD know that they aren't broken. You aren't weird. You're you and that's fantastic!
This is for the girls who have always had to say, "Most of my friends are boys".
-Ellen
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Life is What Happens
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
Today I threw away my plans. No I don't think you understand... I literally threw away a piece of paper I have kept for over a year now that had my plans for my life outlined, point by point. I had kept it tucked away in my pencil holder at my desk in my cubicle at my summer job. Whenever I would start to feel down I would pick it up, unfold the piece of paper, and remind myself to keep my eyes on the prize. Scribbled at the bottom was the quote, "Tell me, are your afflictions dear to you?", providing a constant reminder that if I allow myself to become resigned to a situation I don't like, I am essentially holding that situation near and dear to my heart. Laziness is the enemy of happiness and contentedness.
But today. Today I threw that paper away.
Today I threw away my plans. No I don't think you understand... I literally threw away a piece of paper I have kept for over a year now that had my plans for my life outlined, point by point. I had kept it tucked away in my pencil holder at my desk in my cubicle at my summer job. Whenever I would start to feel down I would pick it up, unfold the piece of paper, and remind myself to keep my eyes on the prize. Scribbled at the bottom was the quote, "Tell me, are your afflictions dear to you?", providing a constant reminder that if I allow myself to become resigned to a situation I don't like, I am essentially holding that situation near and dear to my heart. Laziness is the enemy of happiness and contentedness.
But today. Today I threw that paper away.
"But Ellen, Why would you throw something so important away? Nothing is wrong about making goals!"
You're absolutely right! There is nothing wrong with keeping an end goal in mind whilst going about your everyday life. The issue lies in the plan. This wasn't simply a piece of paper that said "someday I'm going to do____". This paper had bullet points. This paper had a detailed timeline. And most importantly, this paper had A LOT of scribbled out words.
-"Get a teaching job!" became "get a good starter job in marketing!"
-"Either don't get married or wait until you have a career!" became "eehhhhhh I guess you can get married and still have a career"
- "Learn how to make a new kind of guacamole recipe!" became "DO NOT DO THIS YOU ARE VERY ALLERGIC TO GUACAMOLE"
Well... maybe that last one was an exaggeration... I am allergic to guacamole though...
The point is... my plan kept changing.
And that's okay! That means I'm growing and becoming more of the person I'm meant to become. But that also means I can't be keeping around pieces of paper with my entire life planned out in blue ink. It's unreasonable to think you can plan everything out with a ballpoint pen and a yellow legal pad. Life is far too complicated and magnificently bizarre to ever be reduced to that sort of thing. However life is also filled with way too many amazing opportunities and adventures to simply throw up a white flag and say, "well. I guess this is something". Keep you goals tattooed on your heart, not on a spreadsheet.
Today. I threw my plans away. But let me ask you, are your afflictions dear to you?
-Ellen
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
The Punchline
"The bad thing about being a famous comedian is that every now and then someone approaches me to tell an old joke. Don't tell me jokes - I have that. People also say the weirdest things, sometimes sarcastic things, and even evil things. They like to provoke to get a reaction."
- Robin Williams
If I'm being completely honest with all of you I had every intention of abandoning this blog months ago. And I followed through with those intentions for a very long time. However recently I've felt inclined to pick it back up instead of leaving it in a box on a street corner "with free to a good home" written on the side, for the sole purpose of writing this post.
When you first meet me I will come off as very shy. And I'll probably come off that way for the first few months we know each other if I'm being completely honest. (If you listen closely you can hear the sounds of people who have known me for years and know me as anything but "shy" laughing at the fact I would ever claim such a thing). But it's true. I will stand in corners and not participate, maybe murmur a joke every now and again. That's because I'm waiting to find out how to position myself as the punchline.
I was in 4th grade when I first discovered the magic of the position of punchline. It was a year after I had been diagnosed with ADHD and Anxiety and in my 9 year old brain that all meant I was crazy. It meant that nothing I could ever say would ever be considered valid and it meant despite how everyone acted towards me, no one was ever really listening to me. It meant I was stupid, a burden, not really worth anyone's time. But then one day on the playground I found it. I was sitting with a friend of mine next to the kick ball court quoting Spongebob (as most 9-22 year old's do) when I proclaimed, "I'M UGLY AND I'M PROUD!".
She laughed.
She called people over.
They were paying attention to me.
"huh" I thought... "I'm ugly and I'm proud."
Now of course I didn't actually think I was ugly. But I did think I was stupid, clumsy, lazy, ect. So I started to make jokes about these things-
"ha, classic me, can't figure this thing out... I'm so stupid!" *cue laugh track*.
After this sort of self deprecating humor continued for awhile I had taken my throne as the punchline of my group of friends. I was the one you made fun of because I wouldn't fight back, I would laugh along with you. My reign as punchline lasted many years and many different groups of friends. I was getting the attention I had always craved but I couldn't help the feeling that although all of these people were paying attention to me, I still wasn't really being listened to. I wasn't a whole person.... I was the joke. I was the satire, I was the irony, I was the comedic relief when everyone else needed it. The things I said were funny, the situations I found myself in were funny, my existence was funny.
When I got accepted to a good school I felt like I couldn't share my excitement with anyone... because that wasn't funny.
When I got the big solo I told very few people... because that's not something the punchline would do.
Getting inducted into the National Honor's Society???? Where's the humor in that???
Punchline's trip on banana peels.
Punchline's get squashed by falling anvils.
Punchline's get slapped by handles of unsuspecting rakes.
Punchline's do not win awards.
It was the end of my senior year I realized the throne I sat on was made of barbed wire.
I no longer wanted to be the punchline.
But how do you have a voice when it's not reciprocated by laughter?
I'm still struggling with the idea that people would really care about what I have to say and that my opinions are just as valid as those around me. I spent so many years sitting on my rusty throne that I'm still pulling metal splinters out from my side and slapping bandages of validity over the scars they leave.
But this I know, I am no longer the joke. And you don't have to be a joke to be important.
You are valid and important. You are not below your peers.
You don't have to be the punchline.
-Ellen
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Two Decades
“When you're young, you always feel that life hasn't yet begun—that "life" is always scheduled to begin next week, next month, next year, after the holidays—whenever. But then suddenly you're old and the scheduled life didn't arrive. You find yourself asking, 'Well then, exactly what was it I was having—that interlude—the scrambly madness—all that time I had before?”
― Douglas Coupland
Uh... umm.... hey guys, It's, uh.. it's been awhile. Ha. Sorry about... that. I do however, have an excuse. I have been extraordinarily busy with school work and a couple of special side projects, including a nifty little web show called, "In Earnest" which you can find here. I've also been working on writing some music, working in the dish room, hosting a radio show, doing some stage work and spreading my little social butterfly wings. All the while with the knowledge that the impending doom of the number "20" was waiting for me, lurking just around the corner.
Well.
November 19th was the day. It was the day I was forced to meet that terrifying number and come to terms with the fact that I am no longer in fact, a teenage dirt bag, baby.
This time last year I was depressed. I had zero motivation to do anything and the thought of going back to school after Thanksgiving break to deal with finals and term papers was enough to send me into devastating panic attacks. This Thanksgiving break, the thought of going back to school barely phased me and was in fact almost welcomed. Over Thanksgiving break I came to the realization that since last year, I have entered into a new stage of life. I no longer crave my return to my hometown on breaks. As much as I love my family, I enjoy the independence of spending time away from them. I want to take charge of my own life rather than have someone else take care of everything for me.
Growth has always been a scary thing to me. But since I've allowed myself to grow I've become much happier and content with my current life stage. The swirling vortex of confusion and doom called my future, has become the cave of treasures yet to be uncovered in the dark.
Let yourselves grow, Friends.
-Ellen
― Douglas Coupland
Uh... umm.... hey guys, It's, uh.. it's been awhile. Ha. Sorry about... that. I do however, have an excuse. I have been extraordinarily busy with school work and a couple of special side projects, including a nifty little web show called, "In Earnest" which you can find here. I've also been working on writing some music, working in the dish room, hosting a radio show, doing some stage work and spreading my little social butterfly wings. All the while with the knowledge that the impending doom of the number "20" was waiting for me, lurking just around the corner.
Well.
November 19th was the day. It was the day I was forced to meet that terrifying number and come to terms with the fact that I am no longer in fact, a teenage dirt bag, baby.
November 19th I traded in my teen angst for a healthy serving young adult existential crisis. Although the thought of being a "20 something" is admittedly a terrifying one, the more I've thought about it, the more ready for it I am. The more I realize how much I have grown from this time last year in ways I didn't think I could.
Last year I tasked myself with a list of "birthday resolutions" to accomplish before the big 2-0. This list included a multitude of things, notably;
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Instead of sitting around on the internet all day wallowing in self-pity get up and do something. I did get up and do something, a lot of something, in fact I did so many somethings I haven't even had time to post to this blog in months
- Being sad is not romantic or tragically beautiful. Be Happy. Anyone who's been around be recently can attest to the fact that I am smiling a lot more than I was this time last year
- Realize that the future is a crazy place filled with who knows what. Just because you're working towards something right now, that does not mean that's that. Well I recently changed my major from education to Marketing. Needless to say this was not something I had planned for the future.
This time last year I was depressed. I had zero motivation to do anything and the thought of going back to school after Thanksgiving break to deal with finals and term papers was enough to send me into devastating panic attacks. This Thanksgiving break, the thought of going back to school barely phased me and was in fact almost welcomed. Over Thanksgiving break I came to the realization that since last year, I have entered into a new stage of life. I no longer crave my return to my hometown on breaks. As much as I love my family, I enjoy the independence of spending time away from them. I want to take charge of my own life rather than have someone else take care of everything for me.
Growth has always been a scary thing to me. But since I've allowed myself to grow I've become much happier and content with my current life stage. The swirling vortex of confusion and doom called my future, has become the cave of treasures yet to be uncovered in the dark.
Let yourselves grow, Friends.
-Ellen
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Oh Captain, My Captain.
"You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."
Last night around 10 p.m I found myself standing with my mother in the middle of our kitchen crying my eyes out over the death of a man I have never met. I felt as if I had lost a very close family friend or even that one goofy uncle you don't see that often, but when you do, it's the best day of your life. Judging from different reactions I've seen from not only from people I know personally, but also those across the internet, many of you felt the same way. So why is it that we all feel as though we've lost our dear Uncle Robin? Why are we all so terribly heart broken by this death, rather than the death of any other celebrity?
I think the answer lies in a couple of things. The first is that none of us could have possibly seen this coming. Here was a person, who made a career out of making other people happy. Who seemed to always be mid joke. Who to many of us, was a sort of ray of sunshine we could always keep around when we needed a pick me up. So how could it be that this man, who many of us grew up with, could be so sad that he made the decision to take his own life? How could it be that someone so loved, so admired, could have such a great darkness inside him? Many of us had almost immortalized this man in our minds, and to see him go in this way felt like we we're all simultaneously being hit in the chest with a ton of bricks.
The grief felt is, I think, also due to the fact that, well, we kind of did lose our goofy Uncle Robin. I can think of very view childhood movies that I held dear to my heart that he was not a part of. Whether it was Ferngully, Flubber, Aladdin, Jumanji,Hook or so many more; these movies we're an integral part of shaping me into the person I am today. And then as an adolescent and young adult watching movies like Dead Poets Society and Good Will Hunting, movies that would and will haunt me for years to come. Not only did we welcome this mans humor and deeper thinking into our home with open arms via movies and television, we welcomed his authenticity and genuine care for others. We spent time listening about his work with St. Judes Children's Hospital. We watched him go visit the troops overseas on numerous occasions. We read stories about nothing but good encounters people had with the man.
-Ellen
Monday, May 26, 2014
when do you think you'll grow out of it?
"What makes Superman a hero is not that he has power, but that he has the wisdom and the maturity to use the power wisely."
I absolutely LOVE superheros. When a new Marvel movie comes out I'm one of the first people there to
see it, oohing and ahhing through out the entire thing.
I'll spend MONTHS trying to work out in my mind how it's possible that Howard Stark be Tony Stark's
father, when Howard was in his mid 20's in the 1940's and Tony is in his late 30's during present times.
as soon as this
starts playing at the beginning of each Marvel movie, I'm already emotionally invested in the story that's about to take place.
I will cry in the middle of a crowded theater over the now strained relationship between Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes.
However whenever I express this love of superheros to people the response I usually get is;
"so... when do you think you're gonna grow out of it?"
Uh.. well... hopefully never?????
I hope I never stop caring about nerdy nobodies who turn into New York's one and only friendly neighborhood Spider-man! Or troubled Norse gods who would take over entire planets if only to prove themselves to their adoptive father (you knew you weren't getting out of this without a Loki reference right?)!
This question of "when do you think you'll grow out of it" has sparked more questions in my mind about our societies view of maturity, and how to be honest, I think it's bit skewed. These thoughts have also been brought up by being told on numerous occasions that I will "grow into" things such as wanting diamonds for my birthday, or caring about what's really in fashion, even though I'm already almost 20 years old.
To me, maturity has little to nothing to do with the fact that I like superheros at 19 years old or that I would rather receive Season 9 of Supernatural on DVD than diamond earrings on my birthday. To me maturity has very little do with what you like or what you wear and more to do with how you handle certain situations.
How well do you handle things not working out the way you wanted them to?
How strong is your work ethic?
How often do you talk about people behind their backs?
How often do you think about what other people might think of your new haircut?
How self aware are you?
These are just some of the many factors I feel contribute more to the maturity of a person than whether or not they would sell their left leg to go to comic-con so they can dress as wolverine in a conference center and have Hugh Jackman sign their home made claws.
Who's to say that the person who would sell their right arm to get tickets to the super bowl is any more mature than the person mentioned above?
Maturity has to do with the complexity and depth of a person and how aware of this complexity and depth the person is. The mature person also has to consider how their own complexity and depth effects that of those around them. Imagining all people complexly, you must ask, "if I say and do this thing... how will it hurt or help the people around me?".
A week or two ago I took my little brother to go see "The Amazing Spider-Man 2". Sitting next to me was an elderly couple, by themselves, no grandchildren or children in sight. The couple stayed through the credits, letting me know that this was not the first time they had gone to a Marvel movie together, and were aware of the classic Marvel post credits extra scene.
While sitting next this elderly couple during the sneak peek preview for "X-Men: Days of Future Past" that rolled after the Spider-Man credits I couldn't help but think;
"I wonder when they'll grow out of it?"
-Ellen
-Christopher Reeve
I absolutely LOVE superheros. When a new Marvel movie comes out I'm one of the first people there to
see it, oohing and ahhing through out the entire thing.
I'll spend MONTHS trying to work out in my mind how it's possible that Howard Stark be Tony Stark's
father, when Howard was in his mid 20's in the 1940's and Tony is in his late 30's during present times.
as soon as this
I will cry in the middle of a crowded theater over the now strained relationship between Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes.
However whenever I express this love of superheros to people the response I usually get is;
"so... when do you think you're gonna grow out of it?"
Uh.. well... hopefully never?????
I hope I never stop caring about nerdy nobodies who turn into New York's one and only friendly neighborhood Spider-man! Or troubled Norse gods who would take over entire planets if only to prove themselves to their adoptive father (you knew you weren't getting out of this without a Loki reference right?)!
This question of "when do you think you'll grow out of it" has sparked more questions in my mind about our societies view of maturity, and how to be honest, I think it's bit skewed. These thoughts have also been brought up by being told on numerous occasions that I will "grow into" things such as wanting diamonds for my birthday, or caring about what's really in fashion, even though I'm already almost 20 years old.
To me, maturity has little to nothing to do with the fact that I like superheros at 19 years old or that I would rather receive Season 9 of Supernatural on DVD than diamond earrings on my birthday. To me maturity has very little do with what you like or what you wear and more to do with how you handle certain situations.
How well do you handle things not working out the way you wanted them to?
How strong is your work ethic?
How often do you talk about people behind their backs?
How often do you think about what other people might think of your new haircut?
How self aware are you?
These are just some of the many factors I feel contribute more to the maturity of a person than whether or not they would sell their left leg to go to comic-con so they can dress as wolverine in a conference center and have Hugh Jackman sign their home made claws.
Who's to say that the person who would sell their right arm to get tickets to the super bowl is any more mature than the person mentioned above?
Maturity has to do with the complexity and depth of a person and how aware of this complexity and depth the person is. The mature person also has to consider how their own complexity and depth effects that of those around them. Imagining all people complexly, you must ask, "if I say and do this thing... how will it hurt or help the people around me?".
A week or two ago I took my little brother to go see "The Amazing Spider-Man 2". Sitting next to me was an elderly couple, by themselves, no grandchildren or children in sight. The couple stayed through the credits, letting me know that this was not the first time they had gone to a Marvel movie together, and were aware of the classic Marvel post credits extra scene.
While sitting next this elderly couple during the sneak peek preview for "X-Men: Days of Future Past" that rolled after the Spider-Man credits I couldn't help but think;
"I wonder when they'll grow out of it?"
-Ellen
Friday, April 11, 2014
Don't Stop Singing
― Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead
This post is going to be a bit different from my previous ones, as this one is going to be more personal rather than some sort of deep philosophical crap I came up with off the top of my head to share with the internet, only worsening my own messiah complex. This post is going to be about the therapeutic effects of drama and the performing arts, and about how I believe participating in these art forms has saved me on multiple occurrences.
To get into this, things are going to have to get a little personal, so lets slip into something a little comfortable and get to know each other a little better.
This was my first taste of theater and it was that year that set my life on course towards show after show.
I was very involved in drama until the start of Middle School, when at this point the only exposure I got to drama was during my "Theater Arts" class which I took every year as my elective, seeing as it was my favorite class. Middle School was needless to say rough, as it was for many people. I was bullied by my peers and dreaded getting out of bed everyday. Life seemed pointless, and to tell you the truth if you we're to ask me about something that happened in middle school I probably couldn't recall it, it's almost like middle school is just one big repressed memory. Thinking back on it, I'm almost certain that if I would have sought help, I would have been diagnosed with some sort of depression. I was lonely, afraid and sad.
My summer going into the 8th grade I participated in a musical theater camp (note that this was during the sad woe is me Ellen era). My first day of camp I was nervous and prepared to spend another two weeks lonely, only this time with more singing and dancing. As soon as I entered the theater a girl ran up to me and gave me a hug, I was a bit surprised by this, and my face must of shown it because the girl followed up the hug with, "I'm sorry... you just looked lonely". I often wonder if that girl ever realized how much that meant to 13 year old Ellen. At this musical theater camp I rekindled my love for performing arts and found home once again in the theater.
Even though I am by no means a phenomenal actor or singer (definitely not dancer)
^actual footage of me dancing
I continued my high school career participating in shows, choirs, piano and voice lessons. I found a home and a family like no other in my high schools arts department (or as we lovingly called it; "The F Wing") and I will forever be grateful that I got to experience such a fantastic and loving program. Although I was never cast a lead or given many big solos during my time in the F-Wing, I would not change the experience I had for the world. However at the end of my senior year I went through some stuff and swore to myself I would cut down my participation in performing arts when I entered college.
Up until recently college has been a less than perfect experience for me. I once again sunk into a depression and had no motivation to participate in life or go out and make friends. I felt trapped and even considered leaving my school and trying something new, for the sake of my own mental health. I have only realized what I have been missing in my life recently. That thing I have been missing is drama and the performing arts. I have been helping out with my school's Children's Theater for the past couple of weeks, and for the first time since coming to school I feel not so sad. Although I am only on run/stage crew, just the act of sitting back stage makes me feel more at peace and at home.
Every time I have fallen into a dark place it was been the arts that has pulled me out in some way shape or form. I truly believe that the arts have a truly therapeutic effect on people and can help people through tough times like nothing else.
The moral I hope you all get from my story is this; no matter how ticked you get that you didn't get the role, or how stressed you get during tech week, if you find passion in something don't give it up for trivial reasons. In the end it is what we love that gives us life.
Please, don't stop singing.
-Ellen
Friday, March 28, 2014
Don't be Dark Matter
“Scientists talk about dark matter, the invisible, mysterious substance that occupies the space between stars. Dark matter makes up 99.99 percent of the universe, and they don't know what it is. Well I do. It's apathy. That's the truth of it; pile together everything we know and care about in the universe and it will still be nothing more than a tiny speck in the middle of a vast black ocean of Who Gives a F**k.”
― David Wong, John Dies at the End
I have recently become quite concerned over the direction my life seems to be heading and the person who I have become.
My friends often joke;
"ha there's Ellen, such a cynic"
"Why would you want to go outside? You hate the outdoors!"
"Yeah... but you're too lazy for that you would never actually do it haha"
While I know these jokes are all in good humor I can't help but feel that they are a reflection of the image I have created for myself. I have turned myself into a person who would probably agree with the following statements... and I have to say I'm not proud of it.
"Who would put forth effort towards that? Ha I'm much too lazy... being lazy is hilarious!"
"Why would I go outside when I have the internet and self pity to keep me company?"
"I don't need people. Socializing is for losers hahaha"
This is no way to live a life. And I am done being the person who thinks being pathetic is funny. Or that being a cynic makes you cool. It's not quirky and cool to "hate everyone."
While I think on this and work on becoming a better person I encourage you all to do the same. We seem to be the generation of apathy and cynicism under the impression that not caring is cool and having a deep hatred for other people makes you so alternative and edgy. This needs to stop.
We need stop being lazy. We need to get up, get off the internet, stop laying in bed all day and DO. We need to go outside and breath in fresh air and stop making jokes about how gross the outdoors are. We need to go for runs and explore new things. Stop making excuses, stop saying it's too hard, as cliche as it sounds go grab live by the proverbial horns and take advantage of all it has to offer!
Our generation has so much new technology and opportunities and forms of communication at our fingertips and my greatest fear of this month is that we are going to let it all pass us by because we are too lazy to quite literally stand up and turn off the tv.
Take responsibility, take charge and stop wallowing in self pity. Create, explore, learn and experience life before it's too late.
-Ellen
― David Wong, John Dies at the End
I have recently become quite concerned over the direction my life seems to be heading and the person who I have become.
My friends often joke;
"ha there's Ellen, such a cynic"
"Why would you want to go outside? You hate the outdoors!"
"Yeah... but you're too lazy for that you would never actually do it haha"
While I know these jokes are all in good humor I can't help but feel that they are a reflection of the image I have created for myself. I have turned myself into a person who would probably agree with the following statements... and I have to say I'm not proud of it.
"Who would put forth effort towards that? Ha I'm much too lazy... being lazy is hilarious!"
"Why would I go outside when I have the internet and self pity to keep me company?"
"I don't need people. Socializing is for losers hahaha"
This is no way to live a life. And I am done being the person who thinks being pathetic is funny. Or that being a cynic makes you cool. It's not quirky and cool to "hate everyone."
While I think on this and work on becoming a better person I encourage you all to do the same. We seem to be the generation of apathy and cynicism under the impression that not caring is cool and having a deep hatred for other people makes you so alternative and edgy. This needs to stop.
We need stop being lazy. We need to get up, get off the internet, stop laying in bed all day and DO. We need to go outside and breath in fresh air and stop making jokes about how gross the outdoors are. We need to go for runs and explore new things. Stop making excuses, stop saying it's too hard, as cliche as it sounds go grab live by the proverbial horns and take advantage of all it has to offer!
Our generation has so much new technology and opportunities and forms of communication at our fingertips and my greatest fear of this month is that we are going to let it all pass us by because we are too lazy to quite literally stand up and turn off the tv.
Take responsibility, take charge and stop wallowing in self pity. Create, explore, learn and experience life before it's too late.
-Ellen
Monday, February 24, 2014
Anyone Can be A John Green.
" Don't think of it as a problem think of it as a challenge. There can be many forms of John Green . Or wouldn't it be great if there were more people like him in all areas of life." - My Mom
"I just love him and have such respect for how he’s made the world safe for a lot of kids to be who they are. It took me to age 35 to be who I was; if I were 15 now, John would save me years of angst. He is a holy man." - Laurie Halse Anderson on John Green.
I want to be John Green. This is something I have just recently come to terms with. And not just in the, "I make YouTube videos and am working on a book" kind of way. In the, "hey I really like what this guy stands for and would really like to emulate that" kind of way, (okay maybe also a little bit of the making YouTube videos writing way but that's not the point). Upon the discovery that I wanted to be just like a 36 year old man who has an army of teenagers at his command, I started to ask myself some questions.
"What makes me want to be John Green?"
"How could I ever even COMPARE to such a highly regarded person?"
"What do I even mean when I say I want to be John Green?"
~
A little over a year ago I attended John and Hank Green's Evening of Awesome at Carnegie Hall. It was an experience that effected me in a way that I've never fully expressed, one memory from that night that sticks out to me involves, you guessed it, wanting to be John Green. My friend and I were waiting in the long line to get merch and we struck up a conversation with the girls standing in front of us. They we're extremely friendly and polite (as nerdfighters often are) and were both college students. When I asked them what they were majoring in, one girl responded, "Creative Writing... so basically I'm majoring in being a barista at your local Starbucks haha". Although in the back of my mind I kind of agreed I told her, "that's not fair! You never know what could happen!". She chuckled, sighed, and responded with,"Yeah I guess my problem is I want to be John Green."
I've thought about that a lot since that night. And I've come to the conclusion that we should all want to be a little bit like John Green. Even if this only means finally writing that book you've had the idea for, for years. John and Hank Green have created a safe haven for the different, the dreamers and the people who simply demand more out of life. They do enormous amounts of work for charity, through the annual Project for Awesome, enormous donations from their own profits, and many other things. John himself, suffers from severe anxiety and has only recently overcome a nasty case of depression. He has stated multiple times that he loves meeting his beloved nerdfighters in public, however he only asks that they do not ask for a hug, because the answer will be no. When he was in college he was told that his writing was terrible, and based off of talks and interviews, he would agree.
^this is a video in which John addresses his depression
http://fishingboatproceeds.tumblr.com/post/65003063968/john-i-have-really-really-bad-anxiety-i-know-in-the
^this is a post John made regarding his anxiety.
To me, being a John Green means following your dreams despite handicaps and hold backs. Being a John Green is showing compassion for others and treating those younger than you with the same respect as you would treat someone of your age or older. It means not getting a big head if you do achieve your dreams. It means having a sense of humor when discussing big issues. Being a John Green means staying energetic and positive in order to inspire and motivate young and old people alike to do something great.
I don't think the girl at Carnegie Hall a little over a year had the problem of "wanting to be John Green".
I think she had the right idea.
I think we should all want to be John Green.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
You Need to Calm Down
“Funny girls like you don’t get boyfriends. Funny girls like you get boys who are friends who want to date your boring pretty friends but also have you around to make them laugh.”
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" - Dr. Suess
For as long as I can remember I have been the weird kid. I've never quite fit in with a certain group of people, this isn't to say I didn't have friends growing up, I actually had plenty of friends, I just never really seemed to belong in regards to the grand scheme of things.
I would even venture to say that this is still true today.
I can be very loud and obnoxious at times.
I can be very hyper active.
I have absolutely no respect for the status quo.
I care very little what other people think about me.
The funny thing is, all the things listed above are things that people have told me about myself, not things that I have ever consciously thought about myself. While these things are often time brought up to me in a positive light, there have been instances, especially since I've left for college, where I have been told to "calm down", or that I am "making people uncomfortable". A favorite of mine is, "guys aren't interested in you because you're too strong for them, you're too independent.". Seeing as these are positive traits I'm often baffled that guys "wouldn't like me" because of these things. In fact I am often baffled that people would be bothered at all by my "quirky" (in the most non obnoxious hipster way possible) personality, as far as I can tell I don't seem to be causing anyone, or myself, any harm... so why would they even care in the first place? It seemed as if to fit in, in the world I would have to change myself, or rather, "calm down".
I've been told the same sorts of things in regards to romantic relationships.
"boys want to date girls who they feel need them"
"sometimes, you have to let him take charge"
and my all time favorite, "Boys don't like funny girls".
Over time I've honed my "strangeness" into a sense of humor mostly consisting of stupid puns and irony, a sense of humor that I'm actually quite proud of. I've always been able to make people laugh but unfortunately, it seems that this is not a positive trait for someone of the female gender to possess. Boys are supposed to make girls laugh. Not vice versa, this way the boy is, in a sense controlling the girl... but that's a blog post for a different time, I'm getting off track here.
There was a time in my life when I did try to change in order to please the world, this was mainly due to a lack of self confidence and a feeling of inferiority caused by a nasty combination of adolescence, anxiety and bullying. Needless to say during this time I was miserable.
But then I had the epiphany that changed everything.
I realized that if someone is going to want to be my friend or is going to want to be my boyfriend, they should accept ME for who I am. I shouldn't have to change for them! If others are going to hate then fine! Let them hate! I don't have to morph myself into a false person to gain their respect.. because in the end, I don't need it!
After this epiphany I made a lot more friends as well as a lot better friends. I came to realize that if I refused to "calm down" I would actually have a lot more fun and be a lot happier than I would otherwise. Because to quote the late great Dr. Suess, "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind". So whenever someone asks me; "how do you do it? how do you just not care what other people think". I respond by telling them I do care what other people think, but only those people who treat me with the same respect.
Maybe we should all stop trying to change for society. Maybe society should start changing instead.
-Ellen
Sunday, December 29, 2013
New Years Regeneration
"we all change.
When you think about it, we're all different people all through our lives, and that's okay, that's good, you've got to keep moving.
So long as you remember all the people that you used to be.
I will not forget one line of this.
Not one day.
I swear."
-Matt Smith as the Doctor
A few weeks ago I was on the popular ipod app "Timehop". The premise of the app is pulling up facebook statuses from 2,3,4 and even 5 years ago creating the oh so beautiful feeling of nostalgia and reminding us all how absolutely idiotic we were in the 7th grade. On this particular day a few weeks ago, Timehop pulled up a picture that really stroke a cord with me. I was standing with a group of people who I thought were going to be my friends for life and a boy who I thought was the love of my life had his arm around my shoulder. I was skinnier, my friends were cooler and I was yet to gain the reputation of the crazy fangirl chick who spends far too much time on the internet. But despite all of these things that should have made me yearn for this past life, I found my self glad rather than upset. Although I did miss my old friends and old life, I was so happy that I had moved on and become this new person, who was no more and no less "myself", because if I hadn't have ever been this girl in the picture, I would have never become the person I am today.
Human beings have a tendency to cling to the past, especially me. We have this need to crawl back into our old selves rather than move forward and become new, even more fantastic people. My favorite show in the entire world is the classic British Sci-fi series, Doctor Who (if you listen closely you can hear all of my friends and family releasing a heavy sigh). For those of you who don't know, the show centers around the Doctor, who rather than dying, "regenerates" into a new face (or rather, when one actor leaves they replace him with a new guy). The character still remains "The Doctor", retaining the same memories and keeping key personality traits but changing a few things. Aside from the change of face, the Doctor also changes things such as how dramatic he is, how energetic he is and how open he is among other minor traits.
On Christmas day the fabulous Matt Smith, regenerated into Peter Capaldi, forever handing over his keys to the TARDIS. While past doctors have feared this change with cries of "I don't want to go!", Smith's doctor embraced the change, giving the monologue quoted above. While this was of course meant to be about the change of actor and Doctor, I feel like it was also a message to all of us. A very timely message as it was given as the New Year is fastly approaching. We should not fear becoming new people, but we should not forget who we once were. We are who are because of who we used to be.
We must learn to lay our passed lives down to rest, bet let their memories live on, especially during this time of resolution and regeneration.
When you think about it, we're all different people all through our lives, and that's okay, that's good, you've got to keep moving.
So long as you remember all the people that you used to be.
I will not forget one line of this.
Not one day.
I swear."
-Matt Smith as the Doctor
A few weeks ago I was on the popular ipod app "Timehop". The premise of the app is pulling up facebook statuses from 2,3,4 and even 5 years ago creating the oh so beautiful feeling of nostalgia and reminding us all how absolutely idiotic we were in the 7th grade. On this particular day a few weeks ago, Timehop pulled up a picture that really stroke a cord with me. I was standing with a group of people who I thought were going to be my friends for life and a boy who I thought was the love of my life had his arm around my shoulder. I was skinnier, my friends were cooler and I was yet to gain the reputation of the crazy fangirl chick who spends far too much time on the internet. But despite all of these things that should have made me yearn for this past life, I found my self glad rather than upset. Although I did miss my old friends and old life, I was so happy that I had moved on and become this new person, who was no more and no less "myself", because if I hadn't have ever been this girl in the picture, I would have never become the person I am today.
Human beings have a tendency to cling to the past, especially me. We have this need to crawl back into our old selves rather than move forward and become new, even more fantastic people. My favorite show in the entire world is the classic British Sci-fi series, Doctor Who (if you listen closely you can hear all of my friends and family releasing a heavy sigh). For those of you who don't know, the show centers around the Doctor, who rather than dying, "regenerates" into a new face (or rather, when one actor leaves they replace him with a new guy). The character still remains "The Doctor", retaining the same memories and keeping key personality traits but changing a few things. Aside from the change of face, the Doctor also changes things such as how dramatic he is, how energetic he is and how open he is among other minor traits.
On Christmas day the fabulous Matt Smith, regenerated into Peter Capaldi, forever handing over his keys to the TARDIS. While past doctors have feared this change with cries of "I don't want to go!", Smith's doctor embraced the change, giving the monologue quoted above. While this was of course meant to be about the change of actor and Doctor, I feel like it was also a message to all of us. A very timely message as it was given as the New Year is fastly approaching. We should not fear becoming new people, but we should not forget who we once were. We are who are because of who we used to be.
We must learn to lay our passed lives down to rest, bet let their memories live on, especially during this time of resolution and regeneration.
-Ellen
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
"There are Children Starving in Africa!"
“Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won't make us happier.”
― Randy Pausch
“I personally believe we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.”
― Jane Wagner
Before we get into this post lets set the scene.
You're about 9 or 10 years old and it's about 7 or 8 o'clock in the evening. You're sitting in the living room or basement or your bedroom playing Super Mario on your Nintendo 64. You're getting really into it when your mother yells "DINNER!" from the kitchen. A bit irritated you yell back, "ONE MORE LEVEL!".
"DINNER. NOW."
"BUT MOOooooOOOOOoooOOM!!"
"NOW!"
You reluctantly put down the controller and join your family for dinner, which to your despair includes a hefty serving of broccoli. You spend most of the dinner pushing the broccoli aside and enjoying the rest of your meal, completely vegetable free. This is when your mother says the thing, the thing that we have all heard at some point in out life, that dreaded phrase, that to be honest, did not make much sense at the time; "Please eat your vegetables! There are starving children in Africa!"
Although this scene is a bit cliche, I feel we, as a generation, could learn from it. The fact of the matter is that there ARE starving children in Africa. There ARE people who have so much less than us. So then why do we all complain so much? Something I've noticed recently is that people seem to complain... simply for the sake of complaining.
You have an essay to write?
UUGHHHHHHHHHHHH
You have to go visit your Great Aunt Beth this weekend?
AARRGHHHHH
Dinner isn't quiet to your liking tonight?
I HAVE LOST THE WILL TO GO ON
When we step back and take a look at things, most of us really don't have it that bad.
For example, and I'm guilty of this too;
At my school one thing students LOVE to complain about is the quality of the food in the cafeteria. But why? You don't have to prepare the food (it magically appears on a counter for you to grab and put on a plate), It's not old or expired or rotten, you don't have to clean the dishes (they magically disappear through a door and come out clean). So then if things are so easy, why do so many people spend so much time complaining about this? What does this complaining accomplish? The answer of course; is nothing.
Another example is the complaints that occur when we are asked to do something that might be a little out of our way. Ironically, these are usually things we signed up for in the first place. If you auditioned for and made it in to a show or musical of some sort, why would you complain when you have to fulfill the expectations of being in this show? If you applied to College/ University and got in, why would you complain when you have to do the work required to achieve your major?
Complaining for the most point, unless you are starting a revolution of some sort, is a pretty pointless act. It accomplishes nothing and does not improve society in anyway (note that I'm talking about complaints without action).
So sometimes you get handed the short end of life, embrace it! Don't waste time whining about the paint that accidentally got pulled off the ceiling of your dorm room and the fine you'll have to pay for it (it's a long story), pay the fine and move on!
Pointless complaints are something all humans are guilty of, especially including myself. It's something I feel we could all work on. So next time you let out a loud UGGGHHHHHH after having a rough day in class/work, think about whether or not that UUUGHHHH will solve anything.
In short; think about those starving children in Africa.
-Ellen
― Randy Pausch
“I personally believe we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.”
― Jane Wagner
Before we get into this post lets set the scene.
You're about 9 or 10 years old and it's about 7 or 8 o'clock in the evening. You're sitting in the living room or basement or your bedroom playing Super Mario on your Nintendo 64. You're getting really into it when your mother yells "DINNER!" from the kitchen. A bit irritated you yell back, "ONE MORE LEVEL!".
"DINNER. NOW."
"BUT MOOooooOOOOOoooOOM!!"
"NOW!"
You reluctantly put down the controller and join your family for dinner, which to your despair includes a hefty serving of broccoli. You spend most of the dinner pushing the broccoli aside and enjoying the rest of your meal, completely vegetable free. This is when your mother says the thing, the thing that we have all heard at some point in out life, that dreaded phrase, that to be honest, did not make much sense at the time; "Please eat your vegetables! There are starving children in Africa!"
Although this scene is a bit cliche, I feel we, as a generation, could learn from it. The fact of the matter is that there ARE starving children in Africa. There ARE people who have so much less than us. So then why do we all complain so much? Something I've noticed recently is that people seem to complain... simply for the sake of complaining.
You have an essay to write?
UUGHHHHHHHHHHHH
You have to go visit your Great Aunt Beth this weekend?
AARRGHHHHH
Dinner isn't quiet to your liking tonight?
I HAVE LOST THE WILL TO GO ON
When we step back and take a look at things, most of us really don't have it that bad.
For example, and I'm guilty of this too;
At my school one thing students LOVE to complain about is the quality of the food in the cafeteria. But why? You don't have to prepare the food (it magically appears on a counter for you to grab and put on a plate), It's not old or expired or rotten, you don't have to clean the dishes (they magically disappear through a door and come out clean). So then if things are so easy, why do so many people spend so much time complaining about this? What does this complaining accomplish? The answer of course; is nothing.
Another example is the complaints that occur when we are asked to do something that might be a little out of our way. Ironically, these are usually things we signed up for in the first place. If you auditioned for and made it in to a show or musical of some sort, why would you complain when you have to fulfill the expectations of being in this show? If you applied to College/ University and got in, why would you complain when you have to do the work required to achieve your major?
Complaining for the most point, unless you are starting a revolution of some sort, is a pretty pointless act. It accomplishes nothing and does not improve society in anyway (note that I'm talking about complaints without action).
So sometimes you get handed the short end of life, embrace it! Don't waste time whining about the paint that accidentally got pulled off the ceiling of your dorm room and the fine you'll have to pay for it (it's a long story), pay the fine and move on!
Pointless complaints are something all humans are guilty of, especially including myself. It's something I feel we could all work on. So next time you let out a loud UGGGHHHHHH after having a rough day in class/work, think about whether or not that UUUGHHHH will solve anything.
In short; think about those starving children in Africa.
-Ellen
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Sonder
“How odd I can have all this inside me and to you it’s just words.”
| — | David Foster Wallace’s The Pale King Have you ever taken a moment to ponder the fact that every person you come in contact with has their own world going on inside of them. Every person you sit next to in class, every person you walk passed on the sidewalk and every person you stand next to in the supermarket has a secret world that defines how they see the outside. This world is built on past experiences, past upbringing and current situations, among other things. People are much more complex then what they seem to be on the outside. The word I used as the title of this post is one of my favorite words in the entire world. The world "sonder" puts a definition to a feeling that has before been very hard to describe in the past. The definition being; Sonder; n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk. Now this definition is quite obviously not something you would find in Websters dictionary. That is because Sonder is not in fact a real word, but rather a made up one used to describe the indescribable. This all being said I find it very important that before I judge another person, I take into consideration what the person's secret inside world might be like. What trials they may have gone through that made them into the person they are today. The hardest, meanest individuals may have been made this way due to a lifetime of hardship that has caused their inside worlds to become a darker place. People who you consider "strange" or "weird" might simply have very different worlds from your's, leaving you little room to judge. Although I myself still struggle with this as everyone else does, I try to make it a point to not harshly judge others until I have heard their story and figured out why they are the person they are today. Through this I have discovered that many people I judged harshly at first are some of the most remarkable people I have ever met. Everyone has been through their own hardships and has their own story to tell; so think before you judge. -Ellen |
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Escape the Labyrinth
“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”
| — | Albert Camus, The Stranger Something I have often caught myself doing, is thinking too much. I can't just accept things for the way they are. I feel a need to analyze every social norm, rule and even emotion. Because of this I find myself missing out on "real life" because I am too busy thinking about what "real life" really is and what is the proper way to live it. It's almost as if I get stuck in the "labyrinth" of my own mind. Many of my close friends have told me that they also tend to get stuck in these states of deep thought which often times leads to states of anxiety over the inevitability of death and our insignificance in the greater scheme of the world. 
The title of this post can be attributed to a favorite quote of mine by my favorite author of all time; John Green. The quote reads as follows;
“You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking how you'll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.”
- John Green, Looking for Alaska.
Although this is not what the quote was originally meant to be interpreted as, I tend to read this as a warning to not spend your whole life thinking about the future or what would be worth doing, but rather experience the future and experiment with what could be worth doing. The context of the quote is as follows; a young lady called Alaska is talking to her very nervous and uptight (not quite) love interest about her philosophies on life. Alaska believes in living fast and frankly a little irresponsibly. She spends most of the novel smoking cigarettes, having sex and buying illegal wine from a local liquor store. However her male counterpart to whom she is talking to, is completely crazy over her and despite his best interest and typically responsible lifestyle, he finds himself being dragged along on Alaska's crazy adventures. This young man was one of these deep thinkers. One of these people who spend much of their time stuck in their own heads.
SPOILER ALERT
Alaska's life ultimately comes to an early end about half way through the book. Cause of death; a terrible car accident that is suspected to be a suicide.
So the question is, Should you live your life as an "Alaska" (experiencing life to the fullest despite the consequences) or live your life as her male counterpart and narrator of the book, "Pudge" ( always caught up in your own thoughts and plagued with severe anxiety).
I believe that a lot of people I know, including myself, should find a healthy balance between the two.
Step outside of your own thoughts, but still be thoughtful .
-Ellen
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