Today I threw away my plans. No I don't think you understand... I literally threw away a piece of paper I have kept for over a year now that had my plans for my life outlined, point by point. I had kept it tucked away in my pencil holder at my desk in my cubicle at my summer job. Whenever I would start to feel down I would pick it up, unfold the piece of paper, and remind myself to keep my eyes on the prize. Scribbled at the bottom was the quote, "Tell me, are your afflictions dear to you?", providing a constant reminder that if I allow myself to become resigned to a situation I don't like, I am essentially holding that situation near and dear to my heart. Laziness is the enemy of happiness and contentedness.
But today. Today I threw that paper away.
"But Ellen, Why would you throw something so important away? Nothing is wrong about making goals!"
You're absolutely right! There is nothing wrong with keeping an end goal in mind whilst going about your everyday life. The issue lies in the plan. This wasn't simply a piece of paper that said "someday I'm going to do____". This paper had bullet points. This paper had a detailed timeline. And most importantly, this paper had A LOT of scribbled out words.
-"Get a teaching job!" became "get a good starter job in marketing!"
-"Either don't get married or wait until you have a career!" became "eehhhhhh I guess you can get married and still have a career"
- "Learn how to make a new kind of guacamole recipe!" became "DO NOT DO THIS YOU ARE VERY ALLERGIC TO GUACAMOLE"
Well... maybe that last one was an exaggeration... I am allergic to guacamole though...
The point is... my plan kept changing.
And that's okay! That means I'm growing and becoming more of the person I'm meant to become. But that also means I can't be keeping around pieces of paper with my entire life planned out in blue ink. It's unreasonable to think you can plan everything out with a ballpoint pen and a yellow legal pad. Life is far too complicated and magnificently bizarre to ever be reduced to that sort of thing. However life is also filled with way too many amazing opportunities and adventures to simply throw up a white flag and say, "well. I guess this is something". Keep you goals tattooed on your heart, not on a spreadsheet.
Today. I threw my plans away. But let me ask you, are your afflictions dear to you?
-Ellen
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