Don't Stop Singing

“We do on stage things that are supposed to happen off. Which is a kind of integrity, if you look on every exit as being an entrance somewhere else.” 
― Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead



This post is going to be a bit different from my previous ones, as this one is going to be more personal rather than some sort of deep philosophical crap I came up with off the top of my head to share with the internet, only worsening my own messiah complex. This post is going to be about the therapeutic effects of drama and the performing arts, and about how I believe participating in these art forms has saved me on multiple occurrences.

    To get into this, things are going to have to get a little personal, so lets slip into something a little comfortable and get to know each other a little better.

I was 9 years old when I was originally diagnosed with a healthy dose of anxiety mixed with an even healthier does of ADHD. I cried a lot. Like a lot a lot. Like I'm talking an obnoxious amount of crying. I cried about things 9 year old's shouldn't even be thinking about, like death, and the doubt of the existence of an after life (which before you say anything, yes I do believe in) and all that fun stuff. I think it's safe to say I was a pretty unhappy 3rd grader with a lot of heavy stuff on her mind. The year I was diagnosed with all these goodies was also the year I was in my first ever musical; The Jungle Book, and took my first ever drama lessons. It was at these drama lessons and during this musical that I felt happy. That I wasn't thinking about how vast the universe is and how death is inevitable. It was while I was dressed as an orangutan singing about  becoming a man cub that I was having fun, and loving every second of life.

This was my first taste of theater and it was that year that set my life on course towards show after show.

I was very involved in drama until the start of Middle School, when at this point the only exposure I got to drama was during my "Theater Arts" class which I took every year as my elective, seeing as it was my favorite class. Middle School was needless to say rough, as it was for many people. I was bullied by my peers and dreaded getting out of bed everyday. Life seemed pointless, and to tell you the truth if you we're to ask me about something that happened in middle school I probably couldn't recall it, it's almost like middle school is just one big repressed memory. Thinking back on it, I'm almost certain that if I would have sought help, I would have been diagnosed with some sort of depression. I was lonely, afraid and sad.

My summer going into the 8th grade I participated in a musical theater camp (note that this was during the sad woe is me Ellen era). My first day of camp I was nervous and prepared to spend another two weeks lonely, only this time with more singing and dancing. As soon as I entered the theater a girl ran up to me and gave me a hug, I was a bit surprised by this, and my face must of shown it because the girl followed up the hug with, "I'm sorry... you just looked lonely". I often wonder if that girl ever realized how much that meant to 13 year old Ellen. At this musical theater camp I rekindled my love for performing arts and found home once again in the theater.

Even though I am by no means a phenomenal actor or singer (definitely not dancer)

^actual footage of me dancing 

 I continued my high school career participating in shows, choirs, piano and voice lessons. I found a home and a family like no other in my high schools arts department (or as we lovingly called it; "The F Wing") and I will forever be grateful that I got to experience such a fantastic and loving program. Although I was never cast a lead or given many big solos during my time in the F-Wing, I would not change the experience I had for the world. However at the end of my senior year I went through some stuff and swore to myself I would cut down my participation in performing arts when I entered college.

Up until recently college has been a less than perfect experience for me. I once again sunk into a depression and had no motivation to participate in life or go out and make friends. I felt trapped and even considered leaving my school and trying something new, for the sake of my own mental health. I have only realized what I have been missing in my life recently. That thing I have been missing is drama and the performing arts. I have been helping out with my school's Children's Theater for the past couple of weeks, and for the first time since coming to school I feel not so sad. Although I am only on run/stage crew, just the act of sitting back stage makes me feel more at peace and at home.

Every time I have fallen into a dark place it was been the arts that has pulled me out in some way shape or form. I truly believe that the arts have a truly therapeutic effect on people and can help people through tough times like nothing else.

The moral I hope you all get from my story is this; no matter how ticked you get that you didn't get the role, or how stressed you get during tech week, if you find passion in something don't give it up for trivial reasons. In the end it is what we love that gives us life.

Please, don't stop singing.

-Ellen