Oh Captain, My Captain.

"You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."

Robin Williams

Last night around 10 p.m I found myself standing with my mother in the middle of our kitchen crying my eyes out over the death of a man I have never met. I felt as if I had lost a very close family friend or even that one goofy uncle you don't see that often, but when you do, it's the best day of your life. Judging from different reactions I've seen from not only from people I know personally, but also those across the internet, many of you felt the same way. So why is it that we all feel as though we've lost our dear Uncle Robin? Why are we all so terribly heart broken by this death, rather than the death of any other celebrity? 

                                               (internet celebrity/songwriter/personality, Toby Turner, posted this video in response last night)

I think the answer lies in a couple of things. The first is that none of us could have possibly seen this coming. Here was a person, who made a career out of making other people happy. Who seemed to always be mid joke. Who to many of us, was a sort of ray of sunshine we could always keep around when we needed a pick me up. So how could it be that this man, who many of us grew up with, could be so sad that he made the decision to take his own life? How could it be that someone so loved, so admired, could have such a great darkness inside him? Many of us had almost immortalized this man in our minds, and to see him go in this way felt like we we're all simultaneously being hit in the chest with a ton of bricks. 

The grief felt  is, I think, also due to the fact that, well, we kind of did lose our goofy Uncle Robin. I can think of very view childhood movies that I held dear to my heart that he was not a part of. Whether it was Ferngully, Flubber, Aladdin, Jumanji,Hook or so many more; these movies we're an integral part of shaping me into the person I am today. And then as an adolescent and young adult watching movies like Dead Poets Society and Good Will Hunting, movies that would and will haunt me for years to come. Not only did we welcome this mans humor and deeper thinking into our home with open arms via movies and television, we welcomed his authenticity and genuine care for others. We spent time listening about his work with St. Judes Children's Hospital. We watched him go visit the troops overseas on numerous occasions. We read stories about nothing but good encounters people had with the man. 

We all feel this great loss because well, in a sense, we did know him. He was that close family friend or goofy Uncle. Or at least, he was genuine and real enough to make us all fee that way. 

-Ellen