“Funny girls like you don’t get boyfriends. Funny girls like you get boys who are friends who want to date your boring pretty friends but also have you around to make them laugh.”
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" - Dr. Suess
For as long as I can remember I have been the weird kid. I've never quite fit in with a certain group of people, this isn't to say I didn't have friends growing up, I actually had plenty of friends, I just never really seemed to belong in regards to the grand scheme of things.
I would even venture to say that this is still true today.
I can be very loud and obnoxious at times.
I can be very hyper active.
I have absolutely no respect for the status quo.
I care very little what other people think about me.
The funny thing is, all the things listed above are things that people have told me about myself, not things that I have ever consciously thought about myself. While these things are often time brought up to me in a positive light, there have been instances, especially since I've left for college, where I have been told to "calm down", or that I am "making people uncomfortable". A favorite of mine is, "guys aren't interested in you because you're too strong for them, you're too independent.". Seeing as these are positive traits I'm often baffled that guys "wouldn't like me" because of these things. In fact I am often baffled that people would be bothered at all by my "quirky" (in the most non obnoxious hipster way possible) personality, as far as I can tell I don't seem to be causing anyone, or myself, any harm... so why would they even care in the first place? It seemed as if to fit in, in the world I would have to change myself, or rather, "calm down".
I've been told the same sorts of things in regards to romantic relationships.
"boys want to date girls who they feel need them"
"sometimes, you have to let him take charge"
and my all time favorite, "Boys don't like funny girls".
Over time I've honed my "strangeness" into a sense of humor mostly consisting of stupid puns and irony, a sense of humor that I'm actually quite proud of. I've always been able to make people laugh but unfortunately, it seems that this is not a positive trait for someone of the female gender to possess. Boys are supposed to make girls laugh. Not vice versa, this way the boy is, in a sense controlling the girl... but that's a blog post for a different time, I'm getting off track here.
There was a time in my life when I did try to change in order to please the world, this was mainly due to a lack of self confidence and a feeling of inferiority caused by a nasty combination of adolescence, anxiety and bullying. Needless to say during this time I was miserable.
But then I had the epiphany that changed everything.
I realized that if someone is going to want to be my friend or is going to want to be my boyfriend, they should accept ME for who I am. I shouldn't have to change for them! If others are going to hate then fine! Let them hate! I don't have to morph myself into a false person to gain their respect.. because in the end, I don't need it!
After this epiphany I made a lot more friends as well as a lot better friends. I came to realize that if I refused to "calm down" I would actually have a lot more fun and be a lot happier than I would otherwise. Because to quote the late great Dr. Suess, "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind". So whenever someone asks me; "how do you do it? how do you just not care what other people think". I respond by telling them I do care what other people think, but only those people who treat me with the same respect.
Maybe we should all stop trying to change for society. Maybe society should start changing instead.
-Ellen
